A Mother's Journey
There are no words that can truly capture how it feels to lose a child in such an horrific way. It's completely incomprehensible. This is my journey as Kaiden’s mum, a journey I never asked for, and one I am still trying to understand.
Through grief, love, anger, and strength, I am sharing what it means to keep going after losing my son, while fighting every day to honour his life and seek justice for him.
Along the way, I will also share my personal writings and poems — words that have helped me express what cannot always be spoken.
Where You Once Were
Where you once were.
It's empty now.
No sound. No movement.
I listen.
I wait.
Everything ceased when they took you from me.
All I do is sit here in the space between having you and losing you.
Where you once were.
It's so still now.
It's empty.
I see you in pictures. I see you in dreams. I see you as you walked away that night.
I see you in my arms as a tiny baby.
I see you walking in the school gate.
I see you at your birthdays, blowing out your candles.
And now... I see you dying.
Where you once were.
Your bedroom lays still now, it waits for you to come home.
To fill it once again with music and laughter.
Silence.
And I'm left here without you.
Fighting so hard to stay afloat, when all I want to do is go under.
Where you once were.
Justice for Kaiden.
She Has You Now
I walked alone in the rain last night, crying for you.
The earth felt my pain, she wept along with me.
A blanket of misty tears fell sweetly around me.
The pebbles under my feet, the trees above, my clothes, my skin, all polished with our tears.
Weeping for my lost child.
But she only cries for me, not you Kaiden.
For she has you now.
She is your minder, your protector.
You've returned to the love and warmth of her arms until mine are around you once again.
You are loved Kaiden not just by me my precious son, but by the Universe.